NEW YORK, NY (June 2023)—It’s graduation season, and young people everywhere are in a time of great transition. Whether that’s high school or college receding in the rearview mirror, you’re zooming toward the future (well…perhaps after enjoying a bit of well-earned fun). Robert L. Dilenschneider has a two-part message for you.
One, it’s time to get focused on building your influence skill set; and two, make sure you understand what influence really is.
“We live in a time of great upheaval,” says Dilenschneider, author of The Ultimate Guide to Power & Influence: Everything You Need to Know. “Our lives have been upended by a pandemic, social change is accelerating, and technology is reshaping our lives in ways we don’t even comprehend yet.
“When all paradigms are being disrupted, our ability to influence becomes incredibly important,” he adds. “It’s what allows us to find the opportunity hidden in the uncertainty. It’s what allows us to thrive in virtually any field and any job. It’s what gives us staying power.”
There are lots of misconceptions about influence. It’s not about being pushy, manipulative, or convincing resisters to change their mind. And the rise of social media “influencers” (with their short-term focus on getting “likes” and orchestrating superficial trends) hasn’t helped.
“Growing your influence is about deciding how to direct your power,” says Dilenschneider. “My message to grads is this: As you’re figuring this out, don’t confuse activity with progress. Don’t get caught up in things that might make you highly visible but fail to build real influence.”
Whether you’re heading off to college or searching for (or stepping into) your first real-world job, here are a few tips for growing your influence skill set:
Start with a complete self-inventory. What are your values? You must start here because this is what drives everything else. Influence is about who you are, not just what you do. When you’re young, you may still be learning about yourself, and that’s fine. But be sure to ask yourself why you want the power to influence others.
“Will you use your power for personal gain or for the greater good?” he asks. “Do you want to have the power to lord it over others or the power to make things happen that will benefit many? The way you use your power says a lot about your character and will determine your legacy.”
Ask yourself: How can I help others? Counterintuitive as it may sound, real influence comes from the ability to help the people around you and shape the world into a better place. This is what makes others want to follow you and what will ultimately drive your success.
“Find a cause that matches your interests and passions,” advises Dilenschneider. “Use your skills and talents to support it. Your help may not be monetary. It may be something less obvious, like the ability to help people think creatively. Not only will you draw others to you, but you’ll also become a better person and experience a real sense of fulfillment.”
When networking, focus on what you can do for others, not vice versa… It’s not just shaking hands and smiling at networking events. It’s about really connecting with people based on shared values and being prepared to add value. And it’s not a one-way street.
“Focus on what you have to offer,” advises Dilenschneider. “Research industries and leaders you are likely to meet. Have something to talk about with them that will convey your knowledge and interest. And most of all—listen. The people you connect with need to come away thinking about what you could do for them, rather than the other way around.”
…and know that it’s an ongoing process, not a “one-and-done” activity. You may think the purpose of your network is to grow your business, make sales, recruit, or be recruited. But the truth is that it’s about building relationships. You are not there, hat in hand, seeking a job. That may come eventually, but don’t be so desperate to make it happen. Life unfolds in its own time.
Keep your name in front of people you want to connect with. Make a list of people you would like to know in your field, the media, politics, or other realms. Then narrow that list to a manageable number. Research their backgrounds, such as where they went to school, what boards they serve on, and their charitable causes. Then, find ways to regularly connect with them.
“I know a fellow who wanted to reach three key people,” says Dilenschneider. “He put their names in his electronic Rolodex, and when something would come up in the news related to their interests, he would contact them with the information. It was an enormous help in making connections. Don’t overdo it, of course. You want to be helpful, not pesky.”
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